A Sure Sign of Spring

The Calgary Cow Painting Competition is in full swing again this year. For those who are not familiar with it, the cows, usually chosen for their docile behaviour, are hypnotized by trained professional cow hypnotists after which they stand perfectly still for 2 days while the competiton runs. All paints are water-soluble and are no danger to the cows. They are moved inside during incelement weather and at night where they are pampered to perfection.
Regrettably, vandals did take some bites from one of the chocolate cows before police could subdue them. Professional Cow Plastic Surgeons were flown in (free of charge) by the Carnation Milk Company to effect repairs. When asked why they picked up the tab for repairs, the Carnation spokesman said," We are udderly delighted to help maintain contented cows anywhere in the world."
Critics of the competition said it "de-humanized the cows", and that the organizers were "Bossy".
Organizers said they herd of the cowplaints, were disappointed the protesters were trying to horn in on the competition and milk it for their own purposes, but were not too concerned with this recent cow "flap" and they would "moove along" with plans for next year, just be cud they can.

Canadian Shark Wrassles

One 0f the highlights of the short Canadian summers are the vinyl shark wrassles. The vinyl shark's most common habitats are in department stores where they can lie dormant for years in plastic bags. It is only when they are subjected to chlorinated pool water that they regain their level of activity.
Although not exactly known to have a dangerous bite, these sharks have the capacity to give an earnest nudge to the unfamiliar swimmer.
One way for Canadian children to build the upper body strength so necessary for playing hockey is to wrassle vinyl sharks during the summer. The brave young swimmer in the photo is not only doing a magnificent job of shark wrassling, but is also utilizing the mammalian diving reflex of the frigid Canadian pool to lower his body core temperature and give him a longer fight time with the shark. The average temperature of a Canadian outdoor pool is - 23 degrees celsius, just 2 degrees centigrade, or 69 degrees Kelvin (approx.), above freezing.
Canadian vinyl sharks have their lineage traced to the far east, to such places as China and Hong Kong. It is believed they arrived in Canada in the holds of Chinese freighters and were released into the cold Canadian water when the holds of the freighters were flushed out.
Americans must not try to copy the Canadian shark wrassles due to the warmth of their pools. Several Americans are rushed to the local emergency rooms every summer with serious abrasions and contusions caused by nudges from warm water vinyl sharks.
(reprinted from "Vinyl sharks - the furtive menace" by Jack Coos-toe)

Meanwhile, inside the aquarium....

In Honolulu, there is a store with a 3 story aquarium and you get to walk through it and look at the fishes.
I love fishes 'cause they 're so delicious.

I realized what I was

I thought that I was dry, flat, humdrum, dreary, monotonus, mundane, stodgy, soporific. and tedious. But then I realized... I was just "board"....of the surf. Surf-board. Get it?
I was in Ottawa for the past 2 days helping them run the government. Okay, okay. I was on a course. But the first part sounded better.

Ketchikan, Alaska

This is the Creek Street area of Ketchikan, Alaska. It used to be the bordello area of the town during the gold rush. I have no idea how I got there. I mean, oh, never mind.

What I don't know about totem poles.....

is enough to sink the continent of Australia. However, a lack of knowledge has never stopped me from commenting before. This is a rendition of a killer whale (or Orca) eating something. It is at the University of British Columbia Museum of Anthropology in Vancouver.

A recent conversation with Jake

Jake: "Poppa, will you do me a favour?"
Me: "Sure Buddy, anything for you."
Jake: "Will you please buy a bigger TV?"

Boy - do I indulge this kid or What?!

I miss the cars and the smog

I hope you feel sorry for me.
This is what I have to look at as I mend my way back and forth to work.
I miss the interactions with the other drivers.
I miss the gestures.
I miss the sounds of the horns blaring.
I miss the sounds of squealing brakes.
I lie. I don't miss them at all.

Wowee Maui

One of my favourite shots of one of my favourite places.

The Breakwater

breakwater n. a barrier to break the force of waves
Seems like a waste of money today.

Locking us out or them in?

Well, here's how my day went... I was running late (again), dropping off/picking up important paperwork etc., to the paramedic stations, responding to calls, answering the cell phone (again), answering the pager (again), listening to dispatch on the radio (still) when suddenly, the Tahoe started acting weird.

On top of all the other input I was getting (c)rammed into my skull was a new bit of information... a "ping" sound. I started scanning for anything that would account for the "ping" and noticed one of the idiot lights on the dashboard lit and a message showing - "check tire pressure". I safely and quickly stopped the truck (always the professional) and stepped out on a deserted side road to see what had transpired.

Three of the tires were perfect. One wasn't. I called the dispatcher and told her where I was and that I would be out of service for a while. I called the tire company and they said they would send someone right out. Okay - now what? I had a cell phone (good and bad), I had a pager (bad), I had a service radio (good), I had an AM/FM radio (good), I had water (good), I had a snack (very good) - but I had no way out.

So, I did what I always do when this sort of thing happens, I dug out the camera. Right across the road was this little piece of paradise. I took several shots, enjoying the surroundings and was there for a few minutes before I even noticed the fence. Fences around little pieces of paradise always bother me - are they keeping us out or them in?

Of course it's safe. Trust me.

This suspension bridge leads to another world of wilderness across a 200 foot chasm in the sky. All within ten minutes of Vancouver B.C. Beautiful. Super. Natural.

Pop Quiz!

Okay Students, today's pop quiz is a combination of math, science and the internet. The object in the photo (the tall one on the right) is the CN Tower, the tallest free standing structure in the World! The big marshmallow looking thing on the left is the Skydome. Here's the quiz: find the height of the CN Tower, find the height of the tallest/highest mountain in the world and figure out how many CN Towers would it take, stacked one on the other, to equal the height of the world's tallest mountain.
Round it up to the nearest whole number. Neatness counts. No cheating. The test starts NOW!

Guest Photographer - Amanda

Here is another beautiful sunset from my friend, Amanda

Thunder and Lightning

We had an amazing thunderstorm last night. The bottom photo was so washed out by the lightning I had to darken it. The flash was so bright....(Okay, how bright was it?) that it knocked out the sensors on the streetlights. That is to say, the streetlights thought it was daylight and turned off. Cool storm. Oh, and Happy Birthday, Becca!

My pet Beluga

TRUE STORY -Years ago, Sweetie and I drove down to Mystic, Conneticut. Why? Because we saw it on the map and thought it sounded cool, so we went. While we were there, we visited the Mystic Aquarium. One of the exhibits was a beluga whale pod and this guy was just neat to watch. Sweetie put her hand on the glass and the beluga came over and put his head on the spot where she had placed her hand. Did he sense the heat from her hand through the glass? It seems doubtful based on the thickness of the glass or was it some form of meaningful contact he wanted with humans. They continued this for several minutes. I thought I should take a photo and when the flash went off, the "smile" you see on his face appeared. I moved the flash off the camera , put it against the glass and when I test fired it anywhere on the glass, he moved his face to the spot and continued "smiling". It only stopped when the batteries in the flash died . I have never felt a stronger sense of "bonding" with any other wild animal than I did with this guy. What a marvelous experience.

The creature from the hot tub

The newest fashion trend for the summer will be skirts on bathing suits that can be pulled over your face. Oleg Cassini would have been proud.

Universe Explorer in Sitka, Alaska

This is the last photograph I will ever post of the S.S. Universe Explorer. She was a fine, a good ship, and she was fortunate to have good, fine people to sail her. She will be missed by all who knew knew her. Bon Voyage!

Hands to station for leaving Port.

Hawaiian flowers and/or shrubs

I'm not sure what these are, so if you do, please tell me.

Where the rubber meets the road.

Yep. I am so tired, I think I'll just sit down, turn on the radial and listen to Joan Bias ply me with some tunes from my homeland. You know, the one with only one Queen...Uniroyal? Yep. It's gonna be a Goodyear. (If you're a drag racing fan, you have to admit - this was slick.)

Row, Row, Row your boat - Part deux (the sequel)

Never let it be said that I don't listen. Especially when I mis-interpret what you suggested.

A Wallflower, I tell you!

My Mother (on my right), Sweetie (in red behind me) and I were invited to the Captain's Table for din-din. As we were preparing to depart for the food, a friend of my daughter (directly behind the Captain) asked me if I was prepared to be seated , dressed as I was. It was fairly casual and I had on a black shirt and a burgundy coloured sport coat. I said that I felt I was okay and promised not use my sleeve for a napkin.
He said, "You need a little colour man, you're boring!" and rushed back to his cabin. He returned shortly with what I described as the curtains from a Chinese bordello he had made into a jacket.
"Put this on, you'll be the hit of the meal!" I laughed. "C'mon." he said, "No guts?" (Worst thing to say.)
"Gimme the jacket", I said. I put it on and was amazed at the transformation. I was no longer boring. I was the centre of attention. All conversation in my immediate area ceased. Eyes popped. Jaws dropped. My wife and former sweetheart changed back to her maiden name Hossenfeffer, Mother had an attack of the vapours, and Becca told everyone she was adopted and as for the meal.....look at the Captain's face. It never changed during the entire dinner and each and everytime he looked my way. Because the man knows style when he sees it.
Bet he wishes he had one just like it.

Shalee - get your running shoes on

I have no idea what this bear is doing in the woods, but after I took the photo, I backed away quickly and quietly. Remember, if you are in the woods and a bear charges at you, you only have to outrun whoever (whomever?) is with you. So never go alone in the woods.

Newest property on Earth (when I took the photo)

You will have to look very closely but you should see a man walking on the right side of the photo (about half way up). Our helicopter pilot said that sometimes doofi (plural of doofus - although I think it should be doofuses, 'cause it sounds goofier) walk on the hardened lava , not realizing there are "hot spots" where the lava continues to flow through underground subways. They find themselves caught in tight spots and then the Coast Guard get to practice their hoisting techniques to save these people. Apparently, they are very good at hoisting.
Silly rabbits.

Water blaster

The tale of the oily black crabs

I was standing on the beach in Kona, Hawaii, enjoying the beautiful tropical paradise. I was with the woman I love, and was doing what I enjoy, taking photographs. I had just focused on something when I heard a muffled scream. "Don't move", said Sweetie. "I think they see you." I slowly turned my head and saw nothing but paradise. Curiously, I looked at Sweetie to see what she had seen. She pointed to the breakwater scant inches from my backside - sorry, back AND side. I turned and came eyeball to eyeballs to eyeballs to eyeballs to eyeballs with the oily black crabs. They had silently snuck up behind me and I am convinced,were waiting to jump me.
Concerned only for my Sweetie's life, we departed the scene quickly.
As we were leaving, I noticed another man and his lady friend walking towards the breakwater. She mentioned his name (Howard) as she passed us. He was wearing a pale yellow Hawaiian shirt with a distinct pattern on it. And he had a camera.
We made our way to the sidewalk across the street, I saw him pose her on the rocks and back up to the breakwater. We turned the corner and went into a shop. When we came out (cue creepy music), we heard her calling his name. Again and again. I looked over towards the breakwater and saw, floating in the water, a tattered pale yellow Hawaiian shirt with a distinct pattern on it. As we walked to the safety of our hotel, all we could hear was the anguished calling of the name "Howard".

Actually the ugly little beasts ran away if you approached them, but this made it sound better.

A nicer photo of an aircraft

This is a nicer photo than the last one. A Lockeed Electra clean and polished for an celebration with the "National Airline" of Canada.

Air Show Tragedy

Sweetie and I love air shows. We went to 7 in one year and the closest was in Toronto on Labour Day weekend. The Snowbirds are Canada's elite air demonstration squadron and at this event, they were almost perfect. Almost. During one manevuer two of the planes collided and the Squadron Commander, Major Dempsey, his No. 1 aircraft, is shown is engulfed flames after he safely ejected. The other pilot invovled did not survive and crashed into lake Ontario. I regrettably took a photo of that crash and have never shown it. Never will.